Dee’s
First Law of Travel
Never
drive to any place that has an airport.
If
you can afford it, always use the safest, and fastest, means of travel i.e. fly. Cars
work well for short distances but they are inherently dangerous and slow.
Dee’s Second Law of Travel
Never walk to any place that has a road leading to it.
Walking is for exercise, not transportation.
Dee’s Third Law of Travel
Never, ever use a boat.
Boats are for fishing, getting sea sick, and gaining weight while on a cruise, not for transportation.
Dee's Law of Theaters
If you can’t
see the seats and you must make a choice, go to the left.
We are a right-hand oriented society; most of the people will go the right leaving the
best seats to the left. Also, if there is an obvious way to go, don't go there. Go to the straight
and narrow and leave the broad way for the rest of the flock, herd, people.
Dee’s Law of Fires
If there is a fire, don’t go out the way
you came in.
There
could be exceptions, of course. For example, if you are seated by the entrance or the fire has blocked
the emergency exit. But, in general, panicked people will try to go back the way they came in, often jamming
the exit and tramping people in the process. Go out one of the emergency exits which you located as you
were being seated.
Dee’s
Law of Keys
If the
key will not turn, lift up on the back of it
After I learned this Law, I saved myself from many
would be frustrating incidents. Motel keys are particularly bad at this. In
fact, without this law I wouldn’t even have been able open the driver’s side door of my Lincoln Town Car.
Dee’s Law of Finance
Never seek financial advice from someone who is in the business of selling financial
instruments.
On
second thought, apply this across the board to anybody who’s trying to sell you anything.
Dee’s First Law of Credit Cards
Never pay an annual fee for a Credit card.
There are too many cards
out there that are free for the asking. For example: Discover Card never charges a fee.
Dee’s Second Law of Credit Cards
Never use your card, unless you already know where the money is coming from to pay for
the purchase.
This is perhaps the most important
Law of all. Don’t even think about using that card until you know exactly what part of the
budget or other funds you will use to pay for the purchase.
Dee’s
Third Law of Credit Cards
Never,
ever pay any interest.
This
is a no brainer. Always pay off your cards in full every time. If
you’ve followed Law No. 2, Law No. 3 will be the easiest of all to follow.
Dee’s Fourth Law of Credit Cards
Use only the card that pays you back the most money at the end of the year.
Most cards give you back something at the end of the year.
Go for the one that gives you back the most money. I suppose airline miles might sometimes
work out, but it is really difficult to beat cold, hard cash in the pocket. Then you can buy your own airline
ticket.
Dee’s Law of Adverse Expectations
Determine your enemy’s expectation of you, then do something entirely different.
Never do the obvious. Think.
Keep the big baboon off balance and watch him scramble.
Dee’s Law
of Neckties
Always buy your shirts with the
neck at least one size too large. Always wear a safety (clip on) tie.
There is no need to choke yourself. Buy a shirt with the neck too large.
You’re the only one who will notice and that will be from the comfort you will feel. Ties
can get caught in rotating machinery, shredders, car doors, and prisoners' hands. Do like the law enforcement people do, use a clip on so that all they get is your tie
and not your neck. Also give yourself back two minutes of your life every day by not having to tie
it.
Dee’s Law of Telephones
If you find yourself in
one of those mindless, absolutely infuriating, telephone menus and you really must speak to a Human. Press 0.
For some reason this seems to work. Maybe the same little gnome designed
them all.
Dee’s Law of Marriage
The good men are not all taken, they are still out there looking for the good women.
Yes, Virginia they are still out there and they’re looking for you. Dig in sweetheart, the reward
will be a lifetime of satisfaction. Happy Hunting.
Dee’s Law of Sports Shirts
When you find the one you really like, it will be available in only small and 2X large.
You tell me why all the department store buyers
assume that there are as many small and huge men as there are medium men. There aren't of course;
our sizes are a normally distributed bell curve. But that’s why your size is always
sold out and the store is stuck with trying to unload all the small and huge sizes.
Dee's Law of Barbers
The fastest barber is the best.
Remember that no one can actually ruin your hair. It will
always grow out again.
Dee’s
Law of Discontinued Products
As soon as you
find a product you really like and want to continue buying it for the rest of your life, it will be discontinued.
It’s uncanny how manufacturers
can sense that a product is doing really well and they are able to use that knowledge to discontinue it.
Dee’s
Law of Retirement
Don’t ever retire until you have a lot of time to put into it.
Retirement can not only be the most fun you have ever had in your life, but it will also require the most time.
You will need a calendar to keep up with where you are supposed to be when.
Dee’s Law of New Cars
Don’t ever buy one.
For three good reasons: (1) Don't pay the $5,000 to $10,000
it costs to drive it out of the show room. Let someone else pay that for you. (2) Safety/recall defects probably
will not show up for a year or more. (3) Manufacturers sometimes put out lemons. No one will realize that it is
a lemon when the car is new. Give yourself some time to steer clear of these.
Dee’s
First Law of The West
No matter who is Number One,
there will always be a faster gun!
No
one stays on top for very long and the trend is to shorter and shorter tenures.
Dee’s First Law of Travel
Never drive to any place
That has an airport.
Dee’s Second Law of Travel
Never walk to any place
That has a road leading to it.
Dee’s Third Law of Travel
Never, ever use a boat.
Dee’s
First Law of College
Points made at the expense
Of
the instructor’s ego
Are never worth it!
Dee’s First Law of Architecture
Beauty cannot
be tolerated
At the expense of efficiency.
Dee’s Law of Keys
If the key will not turn
Lift up on the back of it
Dee’s
Law of Finance
Never seek financial advise from
Someone who is in the business
Of selling financial instruments.
Dee’s Four Laws of Credit Cards
1.
Never pay an annual fee for a Credit
card.
2.
Never use your card unless you Already know where the
Money is coming from
To pay for the purchase.
3. Never, ever pay any interest
4. Use only the card which pays
You back the most money
At the end of the year.
Dee’s Law of Adverse Expectations
Determine your enemies’
Expectation
of you
Then
do something
Entirely different.
Dee’s Law of Neck Ties
Always buy shirts with the
neck
At least one size too large.
Always wear a safety (clip on) tie.
Dee’s Law of Telephones
If you find yourself in one of
Those mindless,
absolutely
Infuriating telephone menus
And you really must speak
To a Human.
Press 0.
Dee’s Law of Marriage
All the good men are not taken
They are still out there looking
For the Good Women.
Dee’s Law of Sports Shirts
When you find the one you really
Like, it will be available in
Only small and 2X-Large.
Dee’s Law of Barbers
The fastest
barber is the best.
Dee’s Law of Discontinued Products
As
soon as you find a product you really like
And want to continue buying it for the rest of your
life
It will be discontinued.
Dee’s First Law of The West
No matter who is
Number One
There will always be
A Faster Gun!
